This is my first entry in the journal.

I came up with the idea of Newprose.org back in June 2003 when I was engaged in a deep conversation with a girlfriend who I know should be a published writer (I believe it to be her calling) and for some reason, be it a lack of awareness or fear of rejection, she has never persued it. Then and there, the idea of Newprose was born.

Coming up with the concept for the website was an effortless endeavor. But bringing the actual website to fruition was more than I bargained for in every arena. It has been a rocky road to say the least.

My initial ideas, as it turns out, were too advanced for most of the webmasters I know personally, and to hire a professional webmaster for a starter site was beyond the bounds of fiscal sensibility. So what could I do? I went to Barnes and Noble and bought every book about websites, web hosting, HTML and other interesting techie-type acronyms I could find... but all to no avail. I simply did not have enough background knowledge of computer technology to understand any of these books past their introductions!

I emailed the technicians at the site where I purchased my domain name and asked them my well organized, indepth, pertinent questions and, believe me, I started at the beginning. They did respond - and I am sure they did not mean to be so unkind! I can only imagine how difficult it must be for a turbo-techie to try to explain FTP to someone who is as computer challenged as I.

How Embarrassing!

After a week of sulking (and wondering why I was born), I decided to conquer this thing, no matter how long it took - without ever again asking the site helpers for their... uh, help.

I explored programs that I had in my computer and designed a lovely homepage. I felt so good. To me, it was beyond beautiful. I had made it myself. (I felt that same wonderful exuberance I felt as a child when I brought home a wonderuful paper and my current mother would ceremoniously hang it on the refrigerator. It kind of ended up just like those papers that hung on the refrigerator, too.) It sat there in my saved folder for about a week, (because I did not know what to do with it) until one night in August. I could not sleep so I turned on the computer, aswered some emails and navigated my way to my creation just to admire it - and to reassure myself that I was not a complete idiot because a complete idiot could not have even designed it in the first place, right? ... Also, I wanted to feel that I was at least TRYING to make it work. Confident that it would happen someday (yeah, after about 6 years of college and technical schools) I was ready to turn off the computer and do some reading. I moved the tiny curser to the save button and clicked, just as I had done so many times before.

POOF! My page disappeared.

A small white box took its place. Inside the box were these words, "Your homepage has been successfully sent to your site URL." I sat there staring at the screen wondering what... how... why this happened and whether it did, in fact, actually happen at all. (Suddenly I was reminded of those days when I would come skipping into the kitchen only to find that my pride work, the one that had been gracing the door of the refrigerator for the past week or so, had mysteriously disappeared - never to be seen again.)

After a few minutes of consoling myself that I had probably lost my work and would have to redesign it - and preparing myself for the inevitable disappointment once I typed my domain name into the address bar, hit go and found that there was nothing there, I took a sip of wine and ever so bravely typed in the URL. I took a deep restorative breath, left clicked the mouse and closed my eyes.

To my utter astonishment, the homepage was there - just as I had designed it. And I had no clue whatsoever how it had happened.

As luck would have it, no one else seemed to be sleeping either; within minutes, my email started popping like popcorn. Friends were congratulating me on how lovely it was and offering the obligatory unsolicited advice on how I could have made it MUCH better... I could not help but smile and say nary a word...

If only they knew!

My thoughts were frantic, to say the least. "What am I going to do now? They think I know what I am doing. They think there is going to actually BE a website."

In truth, I knew what to do. I would ask my computer friend. He would help me. And he was up - there was an email from him, too. "Congratulations," it read, "I am so proud of you."

I emailed him back. "I do not know what I did to make it show up on the site. I was just pushing buttons and poof! There it went! Can you help?"

His response. "Relax, Carol. You do not need any help. Just keep doing what you are doing."

BUT -- I did not KNOW what I was doing! I did not know what I did!

It was about this time that I contemplated suicide. (But those thoughts only lasted for about a week.)

To add a nice little bit of pressure, I had, on my home page, announced for all the world to see that the site would be up and running on or about September 15th! Why is this significant? Well, because, you see, I knew so little about what I was doing that, as September 15th came and went, I did not even know how to go in to the homepage and change the diggity dang date!!! (OK. This is where I need to thank my friends for their wit and humor... If they had not made this issue into the joke of the year, I would have spent the last few months hiding instead of laughing.)

What made me think I could have a web site in the first place?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, as you can see by the date of this entry, much time has passed and I have designed many parts of the site; this journal among them. I have endeavored to hire a college student to bring it all together and to teach me how to understand it and manage it. And I think it will be something of which I can be proud someday - hopefully soon.

Thank you to my dear friends and writing colleagues, especially Andy, Jenx and Elliatt, who have stood by me and laughed with me, at me and about me as I embarked upon this wild ride and for all your suppport and faith in me and for embracing and applauding my stubborn nature. You are my rock!

Love,
Carol